Jason's Journal - May 21, 2021

Yesterday Laura and I did a video call with a top pancreatic surgeon in the country, who we met through a connection at her job (yet another great story!).

After all the medical experiences I've had over the past few weeks, I was definitely preparing for a fight to NOT focus on numbers or statistics or anything that would tell me what isn't possible. But when Laura and I hung up the call, I felt something totally unexpected.

I felt inspired. I felt peace. I felt settled.

Things that can only come from God's spirit! This was probably the first call talking through my current medical situation where I felt so much encouragement—and it was a game changer for me.

Most surgeons in the top of their field aren't really known for their bedside manner. But this doctor showed so much care throughout the call. He told me it was an honor to be able to spend time with me and review my case. He said I've read through every page and looked through every scan, and I've talked to thousands of patients like you with pancreatic cancer. He said they would love to check in and see how things go with my treatments, and he would love to have me come up there and be his patient. Wow, that was God!

After that, his nurse practitioner joined the call. She told me they've had so many patients who have had this same treatment and kept going. She even told me about a patient she calls the "bionic man"—a heli skier who jumps out of helicopters and skis on days in between his treatments. This man is so full of metal rods and pins from all the bones he's broken along the way, she was convinced it wouldn't be the cancer that finally gets him—it would probably be one of his adventures. I just laughed. I loved hearing about somebody living life like that, and that's part of why I want to keep sharing my journey with you—because we ALL can live, no matter how much time we have left!

This was just another example to me that God knows how to make things go. I have to tell you guys, I appreciate understanding where peace and joy and settledness come from. Not from the information, not from the person, but from God. My circumstances haven't changed, but God keeps adding to me spiritually, and that means so much!

That call yesterday was a miracle for me. I love how God tells His story. It's HIS story, not my story. He uses each of us as a pen to write, but it's the story that's written—not the pen—that's important. I just want God to be glorified, and I know He is through what Laura and I are experiencing.

The Greater Good

I titled this post, “Greater Good” because I ate at Greater Good BBQ today. I love BBQ ribs.

But as I wrote the title, it hit me. God is really doing a “greater good” in me. All of this has been working for my good. Days like today are more challenging. I spent most of the day in the hospital and doctors’ offices getting labs, tests, and having meetings about my upcoming treatment at Winship Cancer Institute of Emory University.

There was a lot of information coming at me. A lot of details about medicines and medical trials, and plans of treatment. My fight every day, but especially on days like today, is not to get caught up in all the information the doctors need to tell me. I can hear the information, but my mental battle is to keep looking at God and to keep trusting him. It can be easy to start to feel things (worry about what chemo is going to be like or how it will affect me), or what trial will have the best results in my situation, or even the things in my own mind that would want to put limits around time.

These are the days that I fight like hell to keep looking up. To trust what God is doing with me and in me. To hold on to the truth that God is in control and He has purposed me to go through this circumstance to get to know Him better and to share that with others.

The ribs were good. The conversation at lunch was better. Laura and my friend Shawn reminded me about how I have always believed that God is a God of miracles. That, for as long as I can remember, there has been a stubbornness and fight in me to believe that God is exactly who He says He is. There is a fight in me to believe that He is good. There is a fight in me to believe that He can do anything. Nothing is impossible with Him. Today, I am fighting to hold on to all of those things.

After we were done with all the appointments and blood draws and packets of information, I did what I love to do. I got together with a group of friends and I started to share about the things that God has been doing with me in this process. Honestly, talking about God has been the best medicine for me in this process. It is the thing that makes me feel the best and gives me the most energy. As we were talking tonight, we got inspired about starting a podcast so I can share my story. This is the best way for me to fight right now.

So look for a podcast series to come soon - Awake w/ JMak!

Getting Busy Living

Laura and I have an incredible support network. We are facing this uphill battle aggressively with faith! We are working with the best doctors in America. As many of you know, Laura is a Senior VP at the American Cancer Society. That has been an incredible resource of support.

The other day, my longtime mentor, pastor and friend told me that the only thing that I have to lose right now is my opportunity. I can tell you, I am NOT going to lose my opportunity to live each day to the fullest.

No one gets to choose their time, but we all have a choice on how we live it. I feel like I have been given the biggest gift—the gift to live a life that matters. Laura and I refuse to operate on timelines or statistics. We aren’t looking at those things. Whether I have 10 weeks, 10 months or 10 years (or more!), I am going to make the most of each day I have been given.

I made a commitment to God, to myself, to Laura, to my boys, to my parents and to everyone in my life to fight every day. To LIVE every day. To share the journey with you. I am committed to getting busy.