This morning, I got my PICC line out after a 2-week course of antibiotics and wearing this shirt as a nod to Congressman John Lewis—one of my personal heroes.
I am experiencing a strange sort of high that is confounding even to me. I’m the guy who used to bug Laura about every ache and pain—thinking death was on my doorstep every time I had a headache! I was her worst patient!
All I’m saying is I have enough experience with myself to know that the peace I feel is divine and holy and true. It’s not contrived. It’s not some pithy, hollow saying.
I’m not trying to be strong. I’m not trying to be anything. I’ve been trying my whole life and for the first time, I feel completely free from that. You may not envy the position I’m in, but I gotta tell you, this freedom and peace is enviable.
Now I’m not saying there isn’t a battle. I feel the buzzkill wanting to come at my mind in a million different ways every day—especially in the mornings. Sometimes it is surreal and I feel like I’m about to wake up from a dream. And yet, I don’t want to.
What some would call a death sentence is bringing me LIFE. It’s delivered all the things I’ve ever wanted right to my doorstep with no striving on my part. A richer, deeper relationship with my family and friends. A peace and closeness with God that I’ve striven for my entire life. The opportunity to see miracles happen.
I don’t know if there’s a miracle that will save my physical life. It IS possible! With God ALL things are possible! But I’m experiencing a miracle each day in the ways I feel saved FROM my old way of doing life.
And let me be clear: I’m not surrendering to cancer. I’m just surrendering to the journey this diagnosis is taking me on. I know there are hard days ahead. I know there will be pain and struggles and trials. We ALL face trials. Mine just happens to be the one people whisper about. Cancer with a capital C.
But I don’t feel like whispering! I feel like shouting! I know that spirit is with me and that’s what I need more than anything.